Funny Jokes

Joke: A Texan man orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, "Everybody drink! My wife just gave birth to a Texan boy. He weighs 30 pounds!" Everybody celebrates and is in awe of the baby's size.

A week later he goes to the same bar and orders some whiskey. The bartender gives him it and asks, "Aren't you that fella that had the 30 pound baby? How's he?"

The Texan replies, "Actually he's 25 pounds now."

The bartender asks him, "Wow, is everything okay?."

The Texan leans back and smugly replies, "We had him circumcised."

Joke: A boss was complaining in a staff meeting one day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

Joke: Why do police get up so early?

Joke: One blonde asks another while driving, "Is my blinker working?"

The other replies, "Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no."

Joke: A man dies and goes to Heaven. Immediately God explains to him the basics of Heaven, "In Heaven a penny is worth a million dollars and a minute lasts a million years."

The guy says, "Sweet, can I have a penny?"

God replies, "In a minute!"