Funny Jokes

Joke: How do you know when a train has just come through?

Joke: Two men are playing golf together when they catch up to a couple of ladies who are playing very slowly. One of the men decides to ask them if they can play through but as he approaches them he realizes the women are his wife and mistress.

He tells the second man about the situation so the second man decides he will ask. He quickly turns around and says, "Small world."

Joke: What are all of Jaws clothes made out of?

Joke: A man goes out with his friends for the night. Before he leaves he tells his wife, "I promise I will be home by midnight."

Midnight comes and goes. He finally arrives home at about 3 AM. As he walks in he realizes the cuckoo clock is about to go off. As it begins to go off he has a flash of genius and decides to coo another 9 times. He sneaks in to bed satisfied with himself.

The next morning he wakes up and his wife has breakfast made. She doesn't seem to be mad. Satisfied with himself he asks her, "You sleep okay last night?"

She replies, "Yeah, but we need a cuckoo clock."

He asks her why and she tells him, "Last night it cooed 3 times. Then it yelled, 'Crap!' It cooed another 6 times and giggled a little bit. Finally it cooed 3 more times, farted, and tripped on the carpet."

Joke: A chemist and a physicist walk into a bar. The chemist asks for some H₂O. The physicist asks for some H₂O too. The physicist later dies.