Funny Jokes

Joke: Winning an argument with you is like running a race in the special Olympics ...

Joke: A man walks up to a bartender and tells him "I bet you $5,000 I can pee into a cup all the way across your bar."

The bartender, knowing this is impossible, agrees. They set it up and the man starts peeing all over the place, missing the cup completely. The bartender gets begins to cheer because he know he just won $5,000.
The man walks over to his friends and comes back to the bartender. He pays the bartender his money with a grin on his face. The bartender asks him "Why are you so happy? You just lost $5,000."

The man replies "I know, but I bet my friends $10,000 dollars that you would cheer while I pee all over the bar."

Joke: I was alone and very depressed last night, so I called a Life Line. Got a friggin' Call Center in Pakistan by mistake. Told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck. Bastards.

Joke: A man is on a long flight and he starts shaking. A flight attendant notices he is disturbed and asks him if she can do anything to calm him down. He says yes so she brings him a drink.

An hour later he is shaking again but even worse. So she gets him another drink and brings it to him.

Another hour goes by and now he is crying. The flight attendant approaches him and the man yells "Why are you people doing this to me?"

The flight attendant replies "Sir calm down, why are you so afraid of flying?"

The man replies "Flying? I'm trying to get sober!"

Joke: A man with a dog walks into a bank that has a sign reading "No dogs." A security guard walks up to him and asks "Did you read the sign? No dogs."

The man replies "I know. Someone should fix that. It should say one dog."