Funny Jokes

Joke: A man is jogging down the road and he sees a boy eating a candy bar with a ton of wrappers sitting next to him. The man tells him "Kid, it isn't good for you to sit there all day eating candy bars."

The kid scowls at him and says "Hey mister, my grandpa is 98 years old and still walking around."

The jogger asks him "And he sits around eating candy all day?"

The boy replies "No, but he minds his own business."

Joke: A blonde walks into a store and shows a clerk she would like a particular TV. He tells her, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Enraged she goes home, dyes her hair, and returns the next day. She approaches another salesman and shows him the TV. He tells her, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Angry, she says, "How did you know I was blonde?"

He replies, "That's not a TV, it's a microwave."

Joke: A lifeguard told the mother of a young boy to make her son stop urinating in the pool.

"Everyone knows that from time to time, young children will urinate in the pool," the mother lectured him.

"Oh really? From the diving board?!"

Joke: Why do all math books need therapy?

Joke: A doctor, a priest, and an army general are all flying in a plane together. To help the people the doctor drops a first aid kit and the priest drops a bible. The army general has nothing else to drop so he drops a grenade.

They land on the ground and first they find a man playing with the bandages from the first aid kit. Next they find a man unconscious on the ground with the bible next to him. Finally they come to a young boy who is laughing hysterically. When they ask him what is so funny he replies "My grandpa farted and my house exploded!"