Funny Jokes

Joke: A man is at the bar looking sad. The bartender asks him, "What's with the long face?"

He replies, "I've had three wives, but they've all died."

The bartender replies, "Wow, how'd they go?"

The man replies, "Well, the first one ate poisonous mushrooms."

The bartender asks, "What about the second one?"

He replies, "Poisonous mushrooms."

The bartender asks, "And the third ate poisonous mushrooms?"

The man replies, "Nope she was strangled."

The bartender asks, "Oh no, why?"

The man replies, "She wouldn't eat the damn mushrooms."

Joke: Did you hear that the man who invented the Hokey Pokey died? They couldn't get him into the coffin because they put his left leg in, and then his left leg out. Then they put his left leg in and they shook him all about!

Joke: A man and his blonde wife are sitting inside, by the fire, when the radio announcer comes on: "We are expecting up to a foot of snow tonight, please make sure you are parked on the even-numbered side of the road." The wife goes out and moves her car.

The next day the same thing happens, and the announcer comes on: "We are expecting up to a foot of snow tonight, please make sure you are parked on the odd-numbered side of the road." The wife goes out and moves her car.

A few days later the same thing happens and the announcer comes on: "We are expecting up to two feet of snow tonight, please make sure you are parked on the-" but the power goes out in the middle of the announcement.

The blonde freaks out, "Which side do I put my car on?!"

Her husband tenderly confronts her saying, "How about we just leave the car in the garage this time?"

Joke: A guy walks into a bank with a gun and starts to rob the place. He tells everybody to get down and if anybody looks at him he will kill them. With this somebody looks at him and he promptly shoots them. He then asks everybody, "Did anyone else look at me?"

One guy raises his hand and says, "I think my wife took a peek."

Joke: Two boys, John and Tommy, walk into a candy story. While in the store John steals 4 candy bars and puts them in his pocket. When the boys leave John brags, "I stole 3 candy bars, beat that!"

Tommy says "No problem, just follow me." They go back into the store and Tommy approaches one of the shopkeepers.

He asks the shopkeeper, "Would you like to see some magic sir?" The man says yes and Tommy immediately opens 4 candy bars and eats them as fast as he can.

The shopkeeper, who is now angry, asks "Where is the magic?"

Tommy replies "The candy bars are now in my friend's pockets."