Funny Jokes

Joke: Two men lost separated from their wives at a festival and are looking for them. They decide to help each other out. One man asks the other, "So what does your wife look like?"

He pulls out a picture and replies, "She's tall, blonde, fit, huge tits, voluptuous ass, beautiful face and loves sex. How about your wife?"

The other guy grabs the photo, "Screw her, lets just find yours."

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Suspense.
Suspense who?
...... Ah!

Joke: A man and his wife are pulled over by a police officer. The officer walks up to the man's window and says "Sir you were going 60 in a 45."

The man says "I was only going 55!"

His wife hits him in the arm and says "No, you were going 65." He gives her a very dirty look.

The officer continues "I'm also going to have to give you a ticket for a broken taillight."

The man says "Broken taillight? I had no idea."

His wife hits him in the arm again and says "What? I've been telling you to get it fixed for weeks."

The man yells "Will you be quiet?"

The officer looks at his wife and asks "Mam, does he always talk to you that way?"

The mans wife shrugs and says "Only when he drinks."

Joke: A blonde woman has lived in Russia for many years. One day a government official comes to her and tells her, "Miss, quite a while back there was an error by a surveyor. You actually live in Ukraine."

The blonde replies, "Thank god! I don't think I could make it through one more Russian winter."

Joke: Thomas has been feeling sick lately so he goes to his doctor. After he receives his check-up his doctor calls him in "Tom, I've got some bad for you..."

Tom quickly asks "What is it?!"

The doctor tells him "You have about twelve to live."

Thomas waits a moment and asks "Twelve what? Years? Months? Weeks?"

The doctor continues "Eight! Seven! Six!..."