Funny Jokes

Joke: A bear walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'll have a gin ... ... ... and tonic."

The bartender replies, "What's with the big pause?"

The bear replies, "I don't know, my dad had them too."

Joke: One morning a boy living on a farm was rudely awoken by his mother, "You don't get to eat breakfast until you finish all of your chores!"

One of his chores was to feed all of the animals. While he was feeding the animals he took his anger out on them. He kicked the pig, punted the chicken, and hit the cow.

When he was done with his chores he sat down for breakfast and his mom brought him a bowl of dry cereal. She told him, "You hit the cow so you don't get any milk. You punted the chicken so you don't get any eggs. You kicked the pig so you don't get any bacon."

Suddenly his father entered the kitchen and tripped over the cat. He got extremely angry and threw the cat out. The boy looked at his mom and said, "Do you want to tell him or should I?"

Joke: How many non sequiturs does it take to change a light bulb?

Joke: Only a week after Christmas an irate Mum stormed into the toyshop. "I'm bringing back this unbreakable toy fire engine," she said to the man behind the counter. "It's useless!" "Surely he hasn't broken it already?" "No, he's broken all his other toys with it."

Joke: How is life like a box of chocolates?