Funny Jokes

Joke: The captain of a cruise ship has a parrot. Him and his parrot go to the magic show on board every night. and every night the parrot calls the magician out on his trickery , "It's up his sleeve!", "There is a hole in his hat!", "There's a fake bottom!"

So finely one day the magician gets so fed up with the parrot he pulls out a gun, shoots at the bird, misses the bird and hits the boiler. This causes the ship to blow up into bits.

The magician grabs onto a piece of floating wood and the parrot lands on his shoulder. The parrot looks at him and says, "I give up, where's the boat?"

Joke: Have you heard that kangaroos can jump higher than a two-story house?

Joke: A Rabbi and a Priest walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What?! If this is some sort of joke you have to leave!" So they both walk out.

A few minutes later a chicken walks into the bar. The bartender yells, "Come on! We don't even serve chickens!"

The chicken asks, "Do you know anywhere that does?"

The bartender replies, "Yeah... It's right across the road."

Joke: You know why a war on drugs is a bad idea?

Joke: A man's penis is severed in a car accident. He is crushed but is awarded $90,000 in a lawsuit afterwards. But while he's at the doctor's office his doctor tells him there is a new surgery for penis reconstruction. He can get a new penis for $10,000 an inch. Extremely happy he says, "I have to talk to my wife! I'll be back tomorrow to tell you how long we want it!"

The next day the man returns and the doctor asks him how long he wants it. Dejected the man replies, "We're getting a new kitchen."