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Joke: The redneck word of the day is: Focus


Punch line: As in "I think that blonde wants to focus bofus." **(fuck us)


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Joke: The redneck word of the day is: Handsome


Punch line: As in "She said her mouth is getting kind of tired so she's gonna use her handsome". **(hand some)


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Joke: If you had sex every single day for a year and used a condom every time and at the end of the year you turn those used condoms into a tire, what would you call the tire?


Punch line: One hell of a good year


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Joke: The big bad wolf sneaks up behind the horny Little Red Riding Hood and tells her they're going to have sex. She reaches in her picnic basket and pulls out a gun and says, "no, you're not you're going to eat me just like the book says".


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Joke: One night Billy walks into his favorite bar in Tennessee and an outsider from out of town was boistfully telling jokes and making fun of people from Tennessee. The man was clearly upsetting a lot of people so Billy asked the man his name and the man answered Jim. Billy asked Jim if he knew the four types of orgasms women have in Tennessee. When Jim answered no, Billy said: "well, I'll tell you Jimbo. The first type of orgasm a woman has in Tennessee is the regular orgasm. That's where she screams 'oh yes, oh yes'. Now Jim the second type of orgasm a woman has in Tennessee is the holy orgasm. That's where she screams, 'oh God, oh God'. Jim, the third type of orgasm a woman has in Tennessee is the unexpected. That's where she screams, 'oh shit, oh shit'. You listening Jim because the fourth type of orgasm a woman has in Tennessee is the fake orgasm. That's where the woman screams, 'oh Jim, oh Jim'."


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Joke: A couple decided that they're going to enjoy their 5th wedding anniversary at home this year rather than go out. The husband decided that he is going to cook up a lovely dinner. He asks her, while she's sitting in the living room watching TV, "Honey, how does a steak with a baked potato and green peas sound?" She has her finger on her chin for a moment and then says, "Sure, honey. That sounds delicious!" The husband heard the news of his wife's approval for dinner gets his gears moving like a wildfire. Several minutes go by and then minutes start turning in hours. Finally, the husband is done with dinner. He gets out the dinner plates and starts setting the table, even going all out with the candles and everything. After he gets all of that set, he looks at the table and realizes what he's forgotten. He had forgotten to get some wine. Luckily, they had a bottle in a cabinet that they had been waiting to open and what better night to open it than tonight. He grabs two glasses from the kitchen cabinet and sets each next to the plates. He calls over to his wife and says, "Honey! Dinner is ready!" The wife hears the dinner call and away she runs to the table, giving her husband a long kiss before they both sit down to eat. After uncorking the bottle of wine, he pours some for his wife first and then he pours some for himself. While they're eating and drinking their wine, the wife becomes a little buzzed. She thinks nothing of it and continues drinking. Sure enough, the more she drinks, the drunker she gets. The husband, after putting some steak into his mouth, says to her, "Babe, you may want to take it easy on the wine." She goes, "No, honey. I'm fine. I promise." Minutes later, she says, "I love you." The husband goes, "Honey, is that you or the wine talking?" She says, "It's me, but I'm talking to the wine."


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