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Joke: Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?


Punch line: He just needed a little space!


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Joke: Gomer Pyle and Betty Lou,... are out on a date at the County Fair. They are walking side by side when Gomer asks, Betty Lou can I hold your hand? And she says, I don't know Gomer. And he says, Oh come on Betty Lou and she says, Well, OK Gomer. And they walked holding hands. As the night went on Gomer asks, Betty Lou can I kiss you? And she says, I don't know Gomer. And he says, Oh come on Betty Lou and she says, Well, OK Gomer. And they kissed. Gomer drove her home and they kissed a little more. Gomer asks, Betty Lou can I put my finger in your belly button? And she says, I don't know Gomer. And he says, Oh come on Betty Lou and she says, Well, OK Gomer. Pretty soon Betty Lou yells out, GOMER THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON and he says, Well surprise,  surprise, that's not my finger either!


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Joke: A husband comes home from work one night and his wife tells him that the kitchen sink is leaking and asks if he can fix it. The husband asks her, "Do I look like Mr. fucking Plumber?" She says, "No". So he tells her to call a fucking plumber and have him fix it. The next day he comes home she tells him that the washing machine is broken and asks if he can fix it. He asks her if he looks like the fucking Maytag man and she says no so he tells her to call the fucking Maytag man and have him fix it. The next day when he gets home she tells him that the car is broken and asks if he can fix it. He asks her if he looks like fucking Mr. Goodwrench and she says no so he tells her to call Mr. fucking Goodwrench and have him fix it. The next day when he gets home the sink is fixed, the washing machine is fixed and the car is fixed. He tells her, "Great job honey, you did it!" And she says, "well,... not exactly." He asks her what does she mean by that and she says that this morning when she was trying to get the car started the neighbor boy saw her and asked if he could help. After he fixed the car so quickly she asked him if he knew how to fix washing machines or sinks. He took a look and saw what was needed. She drove him to the parts stores, came back, and he fixed them. "That's GREAT", the husband told her and asked what did they owe him. She said that he told her she could either bake him a cake or give him a blow job. The husband asked what kind of cake did she bake him so she said, "do I look like Betty fucking Crocker?"


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Joke: What do you say to the "Dye" when you want it go on?


Punch line: Die, dye!


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Joke: A man walks into a restaurant. A waitress recognizes him as a bum who rarely has any money. She confronts the man by asking him what does he want. He asks her how much is a cup of coffee and she tells him $0.99. Next he asks her how much is a refill and she tells him that refills are free. So the bum asks, "Can I please have a refill?"


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Joke: The redneck word of the day is: Nascar


Punch line: As in "My uncle Pete sure has a Nascar." **(nice car)


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