Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man and his wife are setting up the password on their new computer. The man types in 'MyPenis' but the computer denies it. His wife says "I told you it wasn't long enough!"

Joke: A boy goes to school and he brings his cat. When his teacher asks him why he replies "I heard my dad tell my mom that as soon as I left he was going to eat the p**sy."

Joke: Why is sex with a hipster so boring?

Joke: A woman wants to find a husband so she puts out an ad "I'm looking for a man that won't hit me, won't run away, and can satisfy me."

A week later she hears a very loud knock at the door. She answers it and it is a man with no arms or legs, he says "I won't beat you, I have no arms. I won't run away, I have no legs."

She replies "And how do you know you can satisfy me?"

He grins and says "Did you hear me knocking?"

Joke: What does a vampire do with boiling water and a tampon?