Dirty Jokes

Joke: In class, the teacher says to Johnny, "You're so smart Johnny if there were 4 crows on a fence & you shot one how many would be left?" Johnny thinks & quickly replies "none teacher" "and how'd you figure that, Johnny?" asks the teacher. Well, the other three would fly away. "I like the way you're thinking", smiles the teacher. "OK teacher you're so smart I got me a question for you. There is a blonde, a brunette and a redhead with ice creams; one's biting it, another licking it, and another sucking long & hard on it.. how can you tell which ones married?" The teacher ponders and bashfully replies, "the one sucking it?" "No", replies Johnny. "The one wearing the wedding ring but I like the way you're thinking."

Joke: I work for Camel Towing.

Joke: We have the best place to take a leak in town.

Joke: A man in his early 30's boards a flight from New York to L.A. and is seated next to a woman in her early 30's. Both are attracted to each other and start up a conversation. The two of them lol together when they find out they are exactly the same age being born on the same day, month and year. The woman suddenly remembers she had breast implants and had not pumped them up for over a week. Embarrassed and wanting to impress the man she excuses herself to go to the restroom. In the bath room she quickly checks her hair and make-up while flopping her arms like a chicken to pump her breasts up. The man remembers he had an operation to help enhance himself so when she leaves he quickly checks his breath while pumping the size of his penis up by squeezing his legs together several times. They hit it off so well, 1 year later they get married. 7 years into the marrage the man is on his way home from working late and calls his wife and says, "Hey honey, for my birthday present tonight, how about we do that thing I like to do?" And she replies, "Hey honey, for my birthday present tonight, how about we don't."

Joke: Centuries ago in Africa 3 men discover the burial ground of an African tribe. Late one night, the 3 men get caught by the tribesmen looting the burial ground. The 3 men are tied up and surrounded by the tribe until the chief shows up the next day to render their punishment. When the chief shows up he asks the first man, "Death or baguanna?" The man asks the chief, "What's baguanna?" And the chief replies, "Death or baguanna?" The man does not want to die so he chooses baguanna. Every tribesman butt fucks the man and they let him go. The chief asks the second man, "Death or baguanna?"   The man says to himself, "Oh my God, I don't want to die." So he chooses baguanna. Same thing happens to him and they let him go. Chief asks the third man, "Death or baguanna?" The man looks at the entire tribe flipping them all off and says, "Fuck you mother fuckers. No one's fucking me in the ass." So he tells the chief, "l choose death." The chief then says, "O.K. death by baguanna."