Dirty Jokes

Joke: What kind of fish do priests eat?

Joke: Joe and Emily are due to have a baby in a couple of months. Joe asks his wife, "Why haven't we had sex lately?"

"I'm scared its going to hurt the baby," Emily replies.

"People do it all of the time, I'll be gentile," Joe tells her.

Eventually Joe convinces Emily the baby will be fine so they have sex.

A couple of months later their baby is born. Immediately the baby asks the doctor, "Are you my father?"

"No, that's your father," the doctor replies pointing at Joe.

The baby looks at Joe and start to punch him in the face and says, "How do you like it?"

Joke: Tom's wife has been in a coma for months. Her attendants have noticed that every time they wash her crotch she moves a little bit. Desperate, they ask Tom if he would perform oral sex on his wife in an attempt to wake her up. Tom agrees and asks for some privacy in the room. Soon after, he rushes out in a panic and says, "I think she's choking!"

Joke: A guy sleeps with a $5 hooker and gets crabs.

The next day he goes back to complain and the hooker laughs and says, "What did you expect for $5... lobster?"

Joke: A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks them for 2 tattoos. She wants a Christmas tree on one of her thigh and a turkey on the other. When they finished the tattoos the artist asked her why she got those tattoos.

She replied 'My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.'