Dirty Jokes

Joke: A king is going on a very long trip. He wants to keep his wife faithful so he has a chastity built made for her. This is a very special belt because inside there is a miniature guillotine that cuts off any man's member who tries to get through it.

When he returns from his trip he tells all of his men to pull down their pants and he discovers that all but one of them are missing their members. The one man that still has his member is Sir John.

The king says "Good sir, you are the only man who I can trust. If you want anything just say the word."

Sir John replies "UNG! UH! UNG!"

Joke: While Mrs. Jones is cooking dinner she sees that the cookie jar is open and that it is wet and sticky. She goes to her husband and asks him about it. He says he has no idea. Then she walks into her son little Billy's room. She is shocked to see him eating cookies with condoms on his hands.

"Why do you have condoms on your hands!?" she asked him.

He looks at her and says, "I heard daddy on the phone. He said when he uses them you never catch him!"

Joke: Woman: Can I buy Viagra here?
Pharmacist: Yes.
Woman: Could you give it to me over the counter?
Pharmacist: If you give me two of them, you can.

Joke: A blonde woman brings a letter to the Post Office. The man examines the letter and says it will be $500, surprised she exclaims, "I don't have that much money... I'll do ANYTHING to contact my mother."

He has the blonde follow him into a back room. He unzips his pants and takes out his penis. She gets on her knees and brings it to her mouth and says, "Hello? Mom?"

Joke: Young Billy walked in on his father one day in the bathroom. He asked his dad what was hanging between his legs. His father told him that is was a perfect penis. At school the next day Billy pulls down his pants.

"What is that?" asked Sally.

"Well," Billy said, ''if it was a few inches smaller it would be a perfect penis."