Dirty Jokes

Joke: A husband and wife decide to relive their first date on their 10th anniversary. They come to the fence that they first made love up against. The man looks at his wife "For old time's sake?" She nods and they begin to make love.

He pushes her up against the fence and says "You're even tighter than you were when we started to date!"

She replies "The fence wasn't electric 10 years ago!"

Joke: A blonde girl comes home from school one day and tells her mom "We were learning our numbers today and everyone else could only count to 5, I could count to 10. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

Her mom tells her "Great job honey!"

The girl asks her mom "Is it because I'm blonde?" Her mom tells her it is.

The next day the blonde girl comes home from school and tells her mom "We were learning our alphabets today and everyone else could only get to E, I got to J. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J!"

Her mom tells her "Great job honey!"

The girl asks her mom "Is it because I'm blonde?" Her mom tells her it is.

The blonde girl comes home from school the next day and tells her mom "Today we were in the showers after gym class and all of the other girls were flat chested, and I have these!" The girl lifts her shirt revealing very large breasts.

Her mom tells her "Um... Great job honey."

The girl asks her mom "Is it because I'm blonde?" Her mom replies "No dear, it's because you're 25."

Joke: Mrs. Smith asks her class, "What part of the body grows ten times larger when stimulated?"

The class is silent so the teacher asks them again. This time a little girl named Emily raises her hand, "Mrs. Smith, you shouldn't be asking seventh graders this kind of question. I'm going to tell my parents."

Mrs. Smith ignores her and calls on Jimmy. He answers, "The pupil in your eye."

Mrs. Smith replies, "Very good Jimmy," then she turns to Emily, "Now for you young lady, I have three things to tell you. First, you have a very dirty mind. Second, you didn't do your homework. Third, you are going to be very disappointed."

Joke: A man's wife comes up to him and tells him, "Take off my shirt." So he does.

She then tells him, "Take off my skirt and high heels." So he does.

Then she tells him, "Take off my bra and underwear." So he does.

Finally she tells him, "I better never find you wearing my clothes again."

Joke: A man and his wife are on their honeymoon. To show his dominance, the man takes off his pants and tells the woman, "Put on my pants."

She does but she says, "They're too big, they don't fit me."

He responds, "That's right, that's why I wear the pants in the relationship and always will."

The woman tells the man to put on her underwear. He tries but can't. He says, "I can't get into your panties."

She replies, "That's the way it's going to be unless you stop being an asshole."