Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man turns forty so he goes to the doctor for his first rectal exam. A week later he comes in for another rectal exam and the doctor says "I guess you can never be too safe."

Two days later the man comes in requesting the same exam and the doctor says "Are you sure? I guess it's your money."

Suddenly the doctor feels a prick on his finger. He says "Here's your problem, you have a dozen roses in your rectum."

The man grins at him and says "Read the card. Read the card!"

Joke: Three little old ladies are sitting on a park bench feeding birds when a man comes by and flashes them all.

The first two little old ladies both have a stroke, but the third couldn't quite reach.

Joke: Little Timmy is walking home from the park and pulling his little red wagon up a hill. As he is getting tired he says "Damn. Fuck this shit."

A nun from the church nearby tells him "Little Timmy! You shouldn't swear like that. God is everywhere and always watching you."

"So he is up in the clouds and in the church?" asks little Timmy.

"Exactly," replied the nun.

Timmy asks "And in my wagon?"

The nun replies "Yes child."

Timmy is suddenly enraged "Well tell him to get his lazy ass out and push!"

Joke: A married couple is remodeling their home and getting new doors so the husband asks his wife to go get hinges. She goes to the hardware store, picks out the hinges, and pays for them. As she is leaving the clerk realizes that she didn't get a screw for the hinge and says "Hey! Do you want a screw for that hinge?"

She looks at him and says "No I got it, but I'll blow you for that coffee maker."

Joke: A male whale sees the harpoon ship that killed his parents years ago. He quickly swims to his wife and tells her he wants to attack the harpoon ship. She tells him they will surely die but after he tells her his plan she agrees to help him.

Both of the whales get under the boat and begin to blow air bubbles at the boat. The boat starts to rock and eventually tips over. The male whale starts to eat the sailors but his wife swims away. So he asks her "Why aren't you eating them?"

She replies "I agreed to blow, but I'm not going to swallow seamen."