Dirty Jokes

Joke: What happened when Jesus went to mount Olive?

Joke: Steve Irwin walks into a bar with his pet crocodile. He sets it on the counter and announces to the bar, "Let's all make a deal. I'm going to put my scrotum in the crocodile's mouth and shut it. After a minute I'll open his mouth and my testicles will be fine. If I can do it, you all get me a beer!"

The entire bar shouts their approval so he opens the crocodile's mouth, puts his genitals in, and shuts its mouth. After a minute of drinking a beer Steve takes his empty bottle and cracks the crocodile over the head with it causing him to open his mouth. Steve takes his genitals out unscathed as promised. Then he announces, "If anyone else can do it I'll give 'em $100!"

After a few minutes of silence a shy blonde woman walks over to him and says, "I'll try that, just don't hit me so hard with the bottle."

Joke: A blonde man and blonde woman are watching TV and they see that a particular tribe in Africa ties weights around their penis' to make them grow up to 24 inches long. The woman tells the husband that they should do it and he agrees.

The next day she asks him how it is going and he tells her "Half way there."

She asks him "It's 12 inches long?!"

He replies "Nope. But it's black."

Joke: A man's soon to be bride asks him, "What is a penis?"

He tells her, "You'll find out on our wedding night."

Their wedding night comes and he takes down his pants and tells her, "That my dear, is a penis."

His wife replies, "Oh! So it's like a cock, just smaller."

Joke: How do you make 5 pounds of fat attractive?