Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man and his wife have a big argument. She yells at him and tells him to get out.

He grabs his stuff and starts to walk out the door and she yells to him, "I hope you have a slow painful death bastard!"

He yells back to her, "Now you want me to stay?!"

Joke: Why do all men think with their dicks?

Joke: What's the difference between lesbians and children?

Joke: A man named Paddy goes to a toastmaster contest. He wins the best toast of the night with, "Here's to the last 20 years of me life, spend between me wife's legs."

When he gets home she asks him how it went and he tells her that he won. When she asks him about his toast he tells her, "I said, 'Here's to the last 20 years of me life, spend at the church and with my wife'."

She smiles and kisses him on the cheek.

A few days later she is at the grocery store and sees one of the other men at the competition. He tells her, "You're husband she did give a beautiful speech."

She replies, "He wasn't being completely honest. He's only been there twice since I've known him. He fell asleep one of the times and the other time I have to pull him by the ear to get him to come."

Joke: What's the female form of Viagra?