Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man goes to a restaurant and is seated by an extremely hot waitress. When she asks him for his order he replies, "I'll have a quickie." The waitress storms off angry.

After she regains composure she comes back and asks him once again what he will have. He replies, "All I want is a quickie." She can't control herself this time so she slaps him.

A man sitting near him leans over and whispers, "Sir, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."

Joke: What does yeast and a redneck have in common?

Joke: A man comes home one day and brags to his wife, "I bought Olympic condoms. How about we try out a gold one tonight?"

His wife replies, "How about we try a silver one instead? You can try to come second for a change."

Joke: A man goes to the doctor and tells him, "I don't feel good doc, I have a sharp pain in my ass."

The doctor tells him to turn around and drop his pants for a prostate exam. After beginning the prostate exam, the doctor almost immediately finds a $50 bill, "Did you know you had a $50 bill up there?"

The man replies, "No, I had no idea. But I do feel a little better."

The doctor continues the exam and finds another $50 bill. Then another. And another. After a few minutes he finds the last one and says, "Sir, why in the world did you have $1,950 in your ass?"

The man, feeling much better, replies, "I'm not sure. But I wasn't feeling too grand."

Joke: A woman wakes up in the middle of the night to find her husband is not in bed. She goes down stairs and finds him in the kitchen sipping coffee. She asks him, "What's wrong?"

He replies, "Exactly twenty years ago we conceived our first child."

His wife starts to cry, "I can't believe you remember that."

He continues, "Yeah. You were 15 and I was 18, your dad caught us and put his shotgun against my back. He told me, 'If you don't marry her, you will rot in jail for twenty years,'" with this a tear goes down his face, "I would have gotten out today."