Dirty Jokes

Joke: A blonde and a brunette decide to rob a bank. When they show up at the bank they go over the instructions one last time. The brunette tells the blonde, "Remember, in and out in five minutes." With this the blonde runs into the bank.

The brunette waits and waits and waits in the van. Finally, the blonde bursts out of the door dragging a giant safe by a rope. The security guard chases her out of the bank with his pants around his ankles trying to grab his gun. The blonde ties the safe to the van, gets in the van, and they speed away.

As they drive away, dragging the safe, the brunette is furious. She yells at the blonde, "Dumb ass! You were supposed to tie up the guard and blow the safe!"

Joke: When my wife left I got extremely depressed. But then I bought a new TV, a dog, and a Ferrari. I've also had sex with a few women and spent a few thousand dollars at the bar.

She's going to be pissed when she gets home from work.

Joke: A penguin is driving down the road when his car stops running. He takes it in to the nearest mechanic and takes a walk while they look at it. While walking he grabs some ice cream, then he heads back to the mechanic. The mechanic tells him, "Looks like you blew a seal."

The penguin blushes, "No, that's just ice cream."

Joke: One day Tom sees Joe's wife naked sunbathing in their backyard. When Tom sees Joe he brags "I've seen your wife naked."

To get back at him Joe sneaks into Tom's yard the next night and sees his wife performing oral sex. Joe sees Tom a couple of days later and tells him "Guess what? I saw your wife giving you oral a couple of days ago."

Tom laughs and replies "Good try, I wasn't in town a couple of days ago!"

Joke: A brunette tells her blonde sister "Last night I slept with a Brazilian."

The blonde sister replies "I thought I was the slut, how many is a Brazilian?"