Dirty Jokes

Joke: The teacher asked little Johnny, “What’s two and two?”. He counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said, “Four, teacher?”. She said, ” Yes, that’s right, but you counted on your fingers. Put your hands behind behind your back and tell me what’s three and three”. He put his hands behind his back, fumbled around, and answered, “Six, teacher?”. She said, “Yes, that’s right, but you’re still counting on your fingers. Put your hands in your pockets and tell me what’s five and five”. He put his hands in his pockets, fumbled around, and replied, “Eleven, teacher?”.

Joke: A blonde woman was giving me a hand job in the dark. She told me "You have the biggest penis I've ever held!"

I told her "No, you're pulling my leg."

Joke: What do you call a cow that is masturbating?

Joke: Yo mama's such a hoe, she burns more rubber than a racecar driver.

Joke: A mortician named John had the terrible task of prepping his best friend Tom to be cremated. Upon inspecting the body, John discovered that Tom has the largest private part he had ever seen. So in the name of preserving it, he cut it off and put it in his bag.

When he got home later that night he told his wife, "You're not going to believe this," and he opened his bag.

"Oh my god!" She yelled in horror, "Sam's dead?!"