Dirty Jokes

Joke: There are 4 types of orgasms: the Holy Orgasm, the Positive Orgasm, the Accidental Orgasm, and the Fake Orgasm.

The Holy Orgasm sounds like, "Oh God! Oh God!"

The Positive Orgasm sounds like, "Oh yes! Oh yes!"

The Accidental Orgasm sounds like, "Oh shit! Oh shit!"

The fake orgasm sounds like, "Oh *INSERT YOUR NAME HERE*!"

Joke: What gets bigger every time you see your wife?

Joke: A girl walks up to her father and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"

He looks at her and decides it's time. So he tells her about the birds and the bees, masturbation, sperm, pregnancy, and STD's. After a lengthy speech he asks her, "So what made you ask about sex?"

She replies, dumbfounded, "Mommy said lunch would be ready in a couple of sex."

Joke: A woman and her husband's friend are laying in bed just after having sex. Suddenly the phone rings. She answers the phone, "Okay... Okay honey... I'll see you then," she hangs up the phone and turns to her husband's friend, "He's not going to be home for a while, he's playing cards with you."

Joke: A 90-year-old man goes to the doctor for his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he is and he replies, "Great, I'm 90 years old, I have an 20 year old bride, and she's pregnant with my child."

The doctor looks at him for a second, "Let me tell you a story. A knew a man who loved to hunt. One day he went out and was in such a hurry he grabbed an umbrella instead of a gun. As soon as he got out there a bear jumped out of the woods at him. He grabbed his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle. You know what happened next?"

The old man, dumbfounded, replies, "No, what?"

"The bear dropped dead right there!"

The old man protests, "Someone else must have shot the bear!"

The doctor nods, "Exactly."