Clean Jokes

Joke: It's Paige's birthday and she has been waiting for her gift from her boyfriend Trevor for months. All he told her was "I got you something that will change your life. It can go from 0 to 200 in a few seconds!"

When it finally comes time for Paige to open her gifts she notices Trevor only had a small gift box in front of him. She eagerly opens it wondering if it is something for her shiny new sports car. She looks at it and says "This can't go from 0 to 200 in a few seconds?"

Trevor replies "It's a scale, just step on it."

Joke: A cowboy strolls into town on his horse fireball and goes straight to the saloon. He drinks straight whiskey for a few hours, never moving except to take another drink. When he's done he gets up and walks out of the saloon.

He immediately runs back in and yells, "Alright! Who took fireball?" But nobody makes a noise.

He continues, "Okay, I'm gonna give y'all to the count of three then we're gonna have a repeat of what happened back in '71."

"ONE!" He pauses and nobody moves a muscle.

"TWO!" Everybody braces for impending doom.

"Here it comes... THR..."

He is interrupted by a man in the saloon, "Wait! It was just a joke mister. Your horse is right out back... By the way, what'd you do in '71?"

The cowboy looks him dead in the eye and says, "I had to walk home."

Joke: Two blondes are standing on a balcony staring at the moon. One asks the other, "What do you think is closer, the moon or California?"

The other one replies, "Can you see Florida from here?"

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Suspense.
Suspense who?
...... Ah!

Joke: Three men are sitting in the waiting room at the hospital. The nurse approaches the first one and says "Congratulations! Your wife had twins!"

The man says "That's strange, I work for the Minnesota Twins."

The nurse comes back and approaches the second man "Your wife had quadruplets sir!"

The man says "Wow! I work for Foursquare."

The last man starts to cry so the nurse asks him "What's wrong sir?"

The man replies "I work for 84 lumber!"