Clean Jokes

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Suspense.
Suspense who?
...... Ah!

Joke: Three elderly men are sitting together and discussing what they want their family and friends to say when they are lying in their casket at their funeral.

The first man says "I want them to say I was a great father and a great friend. I want them to say I could always be counted on."

The second guy says "I just want them to talk about how much I changed the world, and how I left it a better place."

The third man says "I want them to look right at me and say: 'Look! He's moving!'"

Joke: Police Officer Nico receives a call from his chief. His chief tells him "Nico. I'm sorry but you're going to have to arrest your mother."

Nico starts to reply "Chief-" but is interrupted by his chief.

"Nico, I know it's hard, but it's part of the job."

Nico pauses and replies "Sir, I was just going to ask for backup."

Joke: A man has a curse, he is only able to say a single word every year. But if he doesn't say a word that year he can say two the next year, then three, and so on.

One day he meets a beautiful woman and wants to ask her to marry him, but he has no words saved up so he must wait four years.

So he waits four years and he is finally able to ask her the question. He looks her in the eyes and says "Will you marry me?"

She looks back at him with a smile and twinkle in her eye and replies "Come again?"

Joke: What church did the raisin attend?