Clean Jokes

Joke: Little Timmy asked his dad "Where do people come from?"

His dad replied "Adam and Eve were the first people and they had children. Then their children had children and so on."

Later Timmy asked his mom the same question and she said "We evolved from monkeys."

Timmy went to his father and asked him why he lied and told him what his mother had said. His dad replied "Your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Joke: Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.

The Lord's prayer: 66 words.

Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.

The 10 Commandments: 179 words.

The Gettysburg address: 286 words.

The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.

The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.

Joke: A blonde walks into a bar yelling, "65 days!"

A guy asks her, "What's in 65 days?"

The blonde replies, "I completed the puzzle in 65 days! The box said 2 to 4 years!"

Joke: Why can't you trust atoms?

Joke: The Pope arrives in New York and gets in his Limo. While driving the Pope asks his driver, "May I drive?"

The driver can't refuse since he's the Pope and all, so the pope hops into the driver seat and the driver into the back.

It's been a very long time since the pop has driven himself so he is a terrible driver. He swerves in and out of traffic and eventually gets pulled over. The police officer that pulled him over approaches the driver but immediately goes back to his cruiser. He tells his partner, "There is an extremely important person in the limo."

His partner asks, "Is it the mayor?"

The cop replies, "Bigger!"

His partner asks, "Is it the governor?"

Again the cop says, "Bigger!"

His partner replies, "It couldn't be the president?!"

The cop says, "I don't know. But whoever it is has the frickin' Pope driving him around!"