Clean Jokes

Joke: The Wonderful Husband🐰.... Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: 'Hello' WOMAN: 'Honey, 🐝it's me... R u at the club?' MAN: 'Yes'😍 WOMAN: 'I'm at the City Centre mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000 Is it OK if I buy it?' MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you really like it.'😘 WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2013 Models. I saw one 🚗 I really liked.' MAN: 'How much?' WOMAN: '$98,000' MAN: 'OK, but for that price make sure it comes with all the options.' WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing, the house 🏡I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking for $980,000/-.' MAN: 'well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, go the extra 50 thousand if you think it's really a pretty good price.' WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much! You’re so generous!' MAN: “You’re worth it. 'Bye!' The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, with mouths wide open 😧 The man turns and asks "Anybody knows whose phone📱 this is?" 😍👏👍😝😳😁

Joke: A pirate walks into a bar with an eyepatch, pegleg, and hook for a hand. The bartender notices his leg, "How did you get that pegleg?"

The pirate replies, "It were many years ago. I were walkin' on the deck when a wave swept a shark aboard. The shark bit my leg off!"

"Wow," replies the bartender. "What about that hand?"

The pirate replies, "It were many years ago. I were walkin' on the deck when a wave swept a killer whale aboard. The whale bit my leg off!"

"Oh," replies the bartender. "How about the eye?"

The pirate replies, "It were many years ago. I were walkin' on the deck when a seagull came outta nowhere and pooped in my eye."

"And that blinded you?" asked the bartender.

"No, it twas my first day with the hook."

Joke: An ant and a centipede are hanging out and they run out of pop. The ant is going to get more but the centipede tells him, "Let me go, I'm faster with all of my legs." The ant agrees.

After waiting a couple of hours the ant calls the centipede, "What's taking so long?"

The centipede replies, "Hold on, I almost have my shoes on."

Joke: What is gray, big, wrinkly, and not important?

Joke: Why can't toilet paper go down the sidewalk?