Good Jokes

Joke: A couple decided that they're going to enjoy their 5th wedding anniversary at home this year rather than go out. The husband decided that he is going to cook up a lovely dinner. He asks her, while she's sitting in the living room watching TV, "Honey, how does a steak with a baked potato and green peas sound?" She has her finger on her chin for a moment and then says, "Sure, honey. That sounds delicious!" The husband heard the news of his wife's approval for dinner gets his gears moving like a wildfire. Several minutes go by and then minutes start turning in hours. Finally, the husband is done with dinner. He gets out the dinner plates and starts setting the table, even going all out with the candles and everything. After he gets all of that set, he looks at the table and realizes what he's forgotten. He had forgotten to get some wine. Luckily, they had a bottle in a cabinet that they had been waiting to open and what better night to open it than tonight. He grabs two glasses from the kitchen cabinet and sets each next to the plates. He calls over to his wife and says, "Honey! Dinner is ready!" The wife hears the dinner call and away she runs to the table, giving her husband a long kiss before they both sit down to eat. After uncorking the bottle of wine, he pours some for his wife first and then he pours some for himself. While they're eating and drinking their wine, the wife becomes a little buzzed. She thinks nothing of it and continues drinking. Sure enough, the more she drinks, the drunker she gets. The husband, after putting some steak into his mouth, says to her, "Babe, you may want to take it easy on the wine." She goes, "No, honey. I'm fine. I promise." Minutes later, she says, "I love you." The husband goes, "Honey, is that you or the wine talking?" She says, "It's me, but I'm talking to the wine."

Joke: Why was the man relieved when his credit card was stolen?

Joke: Chuck Norris can bunt a home run.

Joke: A boss finds one of his blonde employees crying in her cubicle. He asks her what's wrong and she tells him, "My mom died!"

He tells her, "I'm sorry, you should take the rest of the day off to be with your family."

The blonde replies, "But that's not even the worse thing that happened... My sister just called, and her mom died too!"

Joke: What's a pessimist's favorite compound?