Good Jokes

Joke: The redneck word of the day is: Handsome

Joke: What do you get when you cross Federal Express and UPS?

Joke: A man was having trouble paying his water bill. He tried and tried to make ends meet, but nothing seemed to work. He went over to his neighbor's house. He says to him, "Hey, man. I'm barely making it on my water bill every month. It's getting to be a real hassle. Can you help a neighbor out? I'll do whatever I can to pay you back. I'll mow your grass, walk your dog, babysit your kids. You name it, I'll do it!" The neighbor ponders for a moment and says, "You know what? You got yourself a deal! You can start with the grass this Saturday and you'll do the rest later on." The man, who is now full of excitement, exclaims, "Sounds good!" Several days go by and the man does everything that his neighbor asked of him. It's about 3 in the afternoon on a Thursday and he goes to check the mailbox and he sees a letter from his neighbor. He heads into the house and sits down at his dining room table. He begins to open the letter and starts reading it. It says: "Hey, neighbor! I wanted to thank you for everything you did! Also, I am still sorry to hear that you are having problems with your water bill. Hope things get better for you! Get well soon! With deepest sympathy, Your Neighbor."

Joke: Why can't you ask a chemist to make you a Pb and J sandwich?

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Candice!
Candice who?
Candice get any better!