Good Jokes

Joke: A man calls 911 because his wife is in labor. He yells, "My wife is in labor and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!"

The dispatcher asks, "Is this her first child?"

The man replies, "No, I'm her husband!"

Joke: A girl brings her boyfriend to her house to meet her parents. While eating dinner, the father asks her boyfriend, "So what are you studying?"

He replies, "Philosophy."

The father asks, "What are you going to do with that?"

The boy replies, "I'm not sure, but God will provide."

The father, stunned, then asks, "Do you have any aspirations at all?"

The boy again replies, "No, but I have faith that God will provide."

Later the girl asks her father what he thought. He tells her, "I like him. He's stupid and has no life plans. But he thinks I'm God!"

Joke: After Beethoven died music could be heard from his grave. People gathered around and they could hear his 8th symphony playing in reverse... Then the 7th... And the 6th. Suddenly the priest realized what was happening and made an announcement, "Everything is okay people! It's just Beethoven decomposing."

Joke: Yo mama is so mean, she has no standard deviation.

Joke: Teacher: Give me a sentence that starts with the letter, "I".
Student: Okay! I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Don't say 'is' after "I". Always put 'am' after "I".
Student: Okay! I am the ninth letter of the alphabet!