Good Jokes

Joke: A man goes out with his friends for the night. Before he leaves he tells his wife, "I promise I will be home by midnight."

Midnight comes and goes. He finally arrives home at about 3 AM. As he walks in he realizes the cuckoo clock is about to go off. As it begins to go off he has a flash of genius and decides to coo another 9 times. He sneaks in to bed satisfied with himself.

The next morning he wakes up and his wife has breakfast made. She doesn't seem to be mad. Satisfied with himself he asks her, "You sleep okay last night?"

She replies, "Yeah, but we need a cuckoo clock."

He asks her why and she tells him, "Last night it cooed 3 times. Then it yelled, 'Crap!' It cooed another 6 times and giggled a little bit. Finally it cooed 3 more times, farted, and tripped on the carpet."

Joke: A man goes to the supply store and buys 300 chicks. He tells the owner, "I'm going to start a chicken farm!"

A couple of weeks later he returns and buys 300 more. The owner thinks it's weird but doesn't ask any questions.

Another couple of weeks later he returns to make the same purchase. At this point the owner is baffled and asks, "Why do you come back every couple of weeks and make the same purchase?"

The would-be farmer replies, "Well, I must be doin' somethin' wrong. I'm either planting them too deep or too close together."

Joke: A kid is standing alone in the batter's box with a bat and a ball. He throws it up and swings at it, "Strike one!"

He throws it up again, "Strike two!"

He throws it up a third time, "Strike three! You're out!"

He grabs the ball and says, "Dang I'm a good pitcher!"

Joke: What's the worst part of buying a nice twelve year old scotch?

Joke: What's the best way to burn 1000 calories?