Funny Jokes

Joke: Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at its mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!" The mother said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny." He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes. Did his doctor say he can see good?" The Mother said, "Why, yes... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision." Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a darn good thing, cause he sure as heck can't wear glasses!"

Joke: A man wakes up on his 33rd birthday on the 3rd day of the third month to notice the clock is stuck at 3:33. He opens up the newspaper and notices in the sports section (page 3) horse #3 in the 3rd race of the day is running 33 to 1 odds.

He takes all of his life savings ($33,333.33) out of the bank and bets it on the horse.

To his surprise, it comes in 3rd.

Joke: Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

Joke: Have you heard about the spicy night?

Joke: How do you make tissues dance?