Funny Jokes

Joke: A girl brings her boyfriend to her house to meet her parents. While eating dinner, the father asks her boyfriend, "So what are you studying?"

He replies, "Philosophy."

The father asks, "What are you going to do with that?"

The boy replies, "I'm not sure, but God will provide."

The father, stunned, then asks, "Do you have any aspirations at all?"

The boy again replies, "No, but I have faith that God will provide."

Later the girl asks her father what he thought. He tells her, "I like him. He's stupid and has no life plans. But he thinks I'm God!"

Joke: A man calls 911 because his wife is in labor. He yells, "My wife is in labor and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!"

The dispatcher asks, "Is this her first child?"

The man replies, "No, I'm her husband!"

Joke: A girl asks her brother, "What's the difference between socks and cellular division?"

To which he replies, "Not much, they both involve mitosis!"

Joke: A man is with his wife on his deathbed. He leans towards her, "Honey, I have one last wish. After I die, marry Joe."

She replies, "I thought you hated Joe?"

He looks her deeply in the eyes and with his last breath says, "I do."

Joke: A 90-year-old man goes to the doctor for his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he is and he replies, "Great, I'm 90 years old, I have an 20 year old bride, and she's pregnant with my child."

The doctor looks at him for a second, "Let me tell you a story. A knew a man who loved to hunt. One day he went out and was in such a hurry he grabbed an umbrella instead of a gun. As soon as he got out there a bear jumped out of the woods at him. He grabbed his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle. You know what happened next?"

The old man, dumbfounded, replies, "No, what?"

"The bear dropped dead right there!"

The old man protests, "Someone else must have shot the bear!"

The doctor nods, "Exactly."