Funny Jokes

Joke: A man and his wife go to the doctor's office. After the doctor sees him he calls in his wife and she asks "Is my husband okay Doctor?"

The doctor replies "Well, he will be if you do everything I say. You have to prepare all of his meals for him every day. You also have to do all of his chores, never nag at him, and most importantly you must massage him three times a day. Do this for about a year and he will live."

Later in the car the husband asks his wife what the doctor said and she replies "He said you were going to die."

Joke: Two blondes fall into a hole in the ground. The first one says, "It sure is dark in here isn't it?"

The other blonde replies, "I don't know, I can't see."

Joke: "Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals!"
Hitler: "Mine less then..."
Awaiting Grammar Nazi barges in!
"Mine Fewer!"
Hitler: Yes?

Joke: A man is sitting on his porch when he notices two blondes working down the road. They both have shovels. One of them digs a hole and the other immediately fills it in. The man watches them for a few hours and finally approaches them, "You guys look like you're working hard. But I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish."

One of the blondes replies, "Well there's usually three of us, but the one that plants the trees is sick."

Joke: What did the green grape say to the purple one?