Funny Jokes

Joke: Why did the TV show about the airplane never make it past the first episode?

Joke: A man goes door-to-door selling vacuums and knocks on his first door. A big unkempt woman answers the door but before she can say anything he slips past her into the house. He immediately throws dog poop on the floor. She yells at him, "What are you doing?!"

He tells her, "If this vacuum doesn't clean this up I'll eat whatever's left."

She smiles and replies, "I'll grab you a fork. I haven't paid the electric bill in months."

Joke: A man boards a train and discovers that he is sitting next to the pope. He sits down but is way to shy to speak. He notices that the pope is doing a crossword puzzle and gets excited because he is very good at crossword puzzles.

Sure enough, the pope asks him for help a few minutes later, "What is a four letter word for a woman that ends with u-n-t?"

The man quickly responds, "I think you're looking for the word 'Aunt'."

The pope replies, "Oh! Of course... Do you have an eraser?"

Joke: A woman goes to her lawyer and tells him, "I want to divorce my husband."

The lawyer says, "Do you have any grounds?"

She replies, "Yes, we have a few acres. But there's nothing valuable on it."

He says, "That's not what I meant, do you have a grudge?"

She replies, "Yes, that's where I park my car."

The lawyer becomes angry at this point, "Why do you want a divorce?!"

She replies, "We have trouble communicating."

Joke: A Jewish man is riding the train reading an Arab newspaper. His friend happens to also be on the train and confronts, "What are you doing reading that?!"

The man replies, "I got sick of the Jewish newspapers. All I ever read about was Jes living in poor conditions, Israel getting attacked, and Jews being persecuted...

Now that I read the Arab newspaper we rule the world! We control the media, run the banks, and are all wealthy. That's much better news!"