Funny Jokes

Joke: The preacher at a church is giving a sermon about marriage and how sacred it is. He asks for a volunteer who has been married happily for 50 years. An older man stands and says he is just approaching his 50th anniversary.

The priest asks him how he has managed to stay happy for so long. The man replies, "I do everything I can to keep her happy. But most importantly, I took her to Rome for our 25th anniversary."

The priest replies, "That's great! What do you guys plan on doing on your 50th?"

The man says, "I'm probably going to bring her back."

Joke: Two guys stumble out of the bar and want to fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'm gonna punch you!"

That was the punch line.

Joke: Three men have been given life sentences and are allowed to bring one thing for fun. The first one brings a deck of cards. He says, "I brought these to pass the time when we're bored."

The second one brings a harmonica and says, "I brought this to cheer us up when we're down."

The final man, who happened to be blond, brought tampons. The other men ask him, "What the hell did you bring those for?"

He replies, "The back says you can swim, run, and play sports with these."

Joke: The captain of a cruise ship has a parrot. Him and his parrot go to the magic show on board every night. and every night the parrot calls the magician out on his trickery , "It's up his sleeve!", "There is a hole in his hat!", "There's a fake bottom!"

So finely one day the magician gets so fed up with the parrot he pulls out a gun, shoots at the bird, misses the bird and hits the boiler. This causes the ship to blow up into bits.

The magician grabs onto a piece of floating wood and the parrot lands on his shoulder. The parrot looks at him and says, "I give up, where's the boat?"

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Ding dong!
Ding dong who?
Ding dong, I just found the doorbell.