Funny Jokes

Joke: Three elderly men are sitting together and discussing what they want their family and friends to say when they are lying in their casket at their funeral.

The first man says "I want them to say I was a great father and a great friend. I want them to say I could always be counted on."

The second guy says "I just want them to talk about how much I changed the world, and how I left it a better place."

The third man says "I want them to look right at me and say: 'Look! He's moving!'"

Joke: Mrs. Smith asks her class, "What part of the body grows ten times larger when stimulated?"

The class is silent so the teacher asks them again. This time a little girl named Emily raises her hand, "Mrs. Smith, you shouldn't be asking seventh graders this kind of question. I'm going to tell my parents."

Mrs. Smith ignores her and calls on Jimmy. He answers, "The pupil in your eye."

Mrs. Smith replies, "Very good Jimmy," then she turns to Emily, "Now for you young lady, I have three things to tell you. First, you have a very dirty mind. Second, you didn't do your homework. Third, you are going to be very disappointed."

Joke: A man comes home to his blonde wife crying violently. When he asks her what's wrong she replies "I've been working on this puzzle all day, but I can't figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger."

Her husband grabs her hand gently and replies "Honey, put away the box of frosted flakes."

Joke: Can February march?

Joke: What did the foot say to his wife?