Funny Jokes

Joke: A 90 year old woman goes on a date with a 91 year old man. When she gets home to her daughter she tells her "I had to slap him 4 times."

The daughter asks "Was he getting fresh?"

The old woman replies "No, I thought he had expired!"

Joke: A woman is pulled over and the officer asks her for her license. He looks at it and says "Ma'm, your license says you should be wearing glasses?"

The woman replies "I have contacts sir."

The officer gets mad and yells "I don't care who you know, you're getting a ticket!"

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
I can say who!
I can say who who?
Do you always have to one up me?

Joke: It's Paige's birthday and she has been waiting for her gift from her boyfriend Trevor for months. All he told her was "I got you something that will change your life. It can go from 0 to 200 in a few seconds!"

When it finally comes time for Paige to open her gifts she notices Trevor only had a small gift box in front of him. She eagerly opens it wondering if it is something for her shiny new sports car. She looks at it and says "This can't go from 0 to 200 in a few seconds?"

Trevor replies "It's a scale, just step on it."

Joke: Little Tommy asks his mom if he can have some animal crackers. His mom gives him a box of crackers and tells him he can have a few. His mom leaves and comes back in a few minutes finding all of the crackers on the floor with Tommy looking through them. His mother asks "What are you doing Tommy?"

Tommy replies "It said don't eat if the seal was already broken. But I can't find a seal!"