Funny Jokes

Joke: A woman walks up to the checkout line at a store with these items: 2% milk, bread, Pepsi, macaroni, and cookies. She sees a drunk man. The man says "You must be single."

The woman is startled. How could he have known? He didn't see her hands and the man couldn't have figured it out from her items. "How did you know?" she asked.

He replied, "Cause your ugly!"

Joke: Three men were told by God, " If you step on a duck, you shall marry the ugliest woman. However, if you do not step on a duck, you shall marry the most beautiful woman in all the land." The three men accepted. The first man stepped on a duck from not paying attention. The second man accidentally stepped on a duck in his son's room. The third man never stepped on a duck yet he was married to an ugly woman. He exclaims to God, "I have not stepped on a duck, why is my wife ugly?" Why has God given him an ugly wife?

Joke: What are all of Jaws clothes made out of?

Joke: Knock Knock!
Who's there?
I'm the interrupting doctor!
The interr-
You have cancer.

Joke: A woman with brown hair goes to the doctor and tells him "Doctor! I think something is really wrong. My entire body hurts when I touch it." She touches her arm, legs, and stomach screaming in pain each time.

The doctor looks at her for a second and asks "Do you dye your hair?"

The woman surprised says "Yeah I'm naturally blonde. How did you know?"

The doctor replies "That's what I thought, your finger is broken."