Funny Jokes

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Luke!
Luke who?
Luke through the window and see!

Joke: A cowboy strolls into town on his horse fireball and goes straight to the saloon. He drinks straight whiskey for a few hours, never moving except to take another drink. When he's done he gets up and walks out of the saloon.

He immediately runs back in and yells, "Alright! Who took fireball?" But nobody makes a noise.

He continues, "Okay, I'm gonna give y'all to the count of three then we're gonna have a repeat of what happened back in '71."

"ONE!" He pauses and nobody moves a muscle.

"TWO!" Everybody braces for impending doom.

"Here it comes... THR..."

He is interrupted by a man in the saloon, "Wait! It was just a joke mister. Your horse is right out back... By the way, what'd you do in '71?"

The cowboy looks him dead in the eye and says, "I had to walk home."

Joke: One morning before a man leaves for work his wife asks him "Honey, do you know what today is?"

He nervously responds "Of course I do!" Then he leaves for work.

Throughout the day he sends his wife flowers, chocolate, and a card telling her to meet him at a certain expensive restaurant for dinner.

When he meets her at the restaurant she runs up to him and says "This has been the best Independence Day of my life!"

Joke: A professor is about to give his final exam, "You must turn in your paper before 2 PM. I won't take it a second later."

2 PM comes and all of the students turn in their paper and the professor begins to walk to his office. One last student jumps up and approaches the professor, "I'm sorry I'm a few seconds late! You have to take my paper!"

The professor says, "Nope, I made it very clear-"

The student snaps at him, "Do you know who I am?"

He replies, "No I do not."

So the student grabs the stack of papers, puts his in the middle, and runs off.

Joke: Little Timmy asked his dad "Where do people come from?"

His dad replied "Adam and Eve were the first people and they had children. Then their children had children and so on."

Later Timmy asked his mom the same question and she said "We evolved from monkeys."

Timmy went to his father and asked him why he lied and told him what his mother had said. His dad replied "Your mom was talking about her side of the family."