Funny Jokes

Joke: A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks the blonde if she wants to play a game, "All you have to do is ask a question and if i get it wrong or don't know it i give you five dollars, then i ask you a question and if you get it wrong you pay me five dollars."

"No," she says, "I just want to sleep."

He keeps asking and she finally gives in when he says if he gets it wrong he will pay her five hundred dollars, but she still only has to pay five dollars.

"What is the distance from the earth to the moon?" he asks.

She gives him 5 dollars. "What goes up the hill with four legs and comes down with five?" she asks.

He pulls out his laptop and searches it, but finds nothing. Then he emails his friends. After an hour, he still hasn't got an answer, he hands her 500 dollars. Then he asks her, "So what is the answer?"

She hands him 5 dollars.

Joke: Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing his tasks correctly?" So they created the Quality Control Department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created a time keeper and a payroll officer position. Then hired two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people: An Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.

Joke: What'd the man think when he saw a sneering dwarf climbing down a prison wall?

Joke: Why was the geologist so excited to find a rock that measured 1760 yards?

Joke: Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Joe Biden, and their pilot are flying aboard Air Force 1 over the United States.

Barack: "Why don't I throw this hundred dollar bill out of the window and make someone very happy."

Michelle: "Well, I could throw throw ten hundred dollar bills out of the window and make ten people happy."

Joe: "Why don't you jump out Barack, and make me very happy?"

Pilot: "Why don't you all jump out and make 300 million people happy?"