Funny Jokes

Joke: Why did the TV show about the airplane never make it past the first episode?

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Ding dong!
Ding dong who?
Ding dong, I just found the doorbell.

Joke: Three elderly men are sitting together and discussing what they want their family and friends to say when they are lying in their casket at their funeral.

The first man says "I want them to say I was a great father and a great friend. I want them to say I could always be counted on."

The second guy says "I just want them to talk about how much I changed the world, and how I left it a better place."

The third man says "I want them to look right at me and say: 'Look! He's moving!'"

Joke: A man owns a very large farm. One night one of his employees tip him off that there are a bunch of women skinny dipping in his pond. He rushes to the pond with a bucket.

When he approaches the pond all of the young women go to the deep end. One of them yells at him, "We aren't getting out until you go away!"

He replies, "Oh I'm not here to see any of you naked, I just want to feed the alligator."

Joke: Three swordsmen are competing to see who is the best in the world. The judges tell the first man to step up and they release a fly. With the flick of his wrist the fly hits the ground in two pieces. The crowd bursts into applause.

Next the judges tell the second man to step up and they release a fly. With two flicks of his wrist the fly hits the ground in four pieces. The crowd explodes in applause.

Finally, they tell the third swordsman to step up and release a fly. He swings wildly at the fly but the fly continues to buzz. The crowd begins to laugh and a judge informs him, "The fly is still alive..."

The man replies, "Yes, but he will never have kids again."