Funny Jokes

Joke: A guy walks into a bank with a gun and starts to rob the place. He tells everybody to get down and if anybody looks at him he will kill them. With this somebody looks at him and he promptly shoots them. He then asks everybody, "Did anyone else look at me?"

One guy raises his hand and says, "I think my wife took a peek."

Joke: What did the blonde ask when her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

Joke: How does the moon cut his hair?

Joke: A brunette woman challenges a blonde woman to a swimming race across the English Channel. The brunette tells her, "You have to breast stroke all the way."

The brunette finishes up the race within a few hours and waits for the blonde. She waits and waits and eventually falls asleep.

The next morning she wakes up to the blonde standing over her extremely angry yelling, "You used your arms!"

Joke: A preacher is coming to the end of his sermon and he tells the congregation, "In preparation for next week's sermon, everybody read Leviticus chapter 28."

Next week when everybody comes in the preacher follows up, "Now who read Leviticus chapter 28?" Almost everybody raises their hands. The preacher says, "Okay, good. There is no Leviticus chapter 28. I'd like to begin my sermon on lying."