Joke: Student: Would you ever punish someone for something they didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not!
Student: Okay good, because my homework isn't done yet.

Joke: A blonde walks into a New York bank and asks for a $1,000 loan for a month long trip to Asia. The loan officer tells her "You are going to need some collateral if you want a loan."

The blonde tells him "I'll leave my Rolls Royce, it's worth $200,000." The bank accepts the security and laughs at her for leaving such an expensive car for such a small loan.

When she comes back from her trip she goes to the bank and repays her loan plus interest, coming to $1,020. The bank manager smirks at her and asks "We know you are a millionaire, why would you get such a small loan and use such an expensive car for collateral?"

The blonde looks at him and smiles "Where else can I park my car in the city for a month for $20?"

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
John Danglerdoo!
John Danglerdoo who?
Really, how many John Danglerdoo's do you know? Let me in it's cold out here.

Joke: Tom and John are hanging out. Tom asks John, "It's fuckin' freezin' in here. Can you get me my fuckin' slippers?"

John goes upstairs to get the slippers and he comes across Tom's hot 21-year-old twin sisters. He tells them, "Your brother told me to have sex with both of you."

One of the sisters replies, "Prove it!"

John yells downstairs, "Tom! Both of them?!."

Tom yells back, "Of course! What's the point of fuckin' one?!."

Joke: Trevor has a dance coming up and he wants to ask out Sally. He would do anything to go with her and he knows she doesn't have a date. The only problem is that whenever he sees her he gets an extremely large boner. Before he asks her, he practices not getting a boner but nothing works. So he decides to just call her so he doesn't risk a boner. So he calls her and stutters through the words, but she thinks it is cute so she accepts.

At this point he realizes he didn't find a solution to the problem he just put it off. But then he has a great idea! He ties his penis to his leg to conceal the boner. On the day of the dance he heads over to her house and knocks on the door. She answers the door and he kicks her in the face.

Joke: A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room waiting for the doctor. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"

The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."

The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a urine test."