Joke: Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, and fear of Chuck Norris is common sense.

Joke: Chuck Norris has never been hit by rain. It's not that he stays inside, he just dodges the rain.

Joke: Chuck Norris invented the color black. In fact, Chuck invented the visible light color spectrum. Except pink, Tom Cruise invented pink.

Joke: How do you get rid of an itch at home?

Joke: Three men are captured and are going to be killed. The only way they can live is if they pass a trial. They must go into the jungle and find ten pieces of fruit.

The first man comes back quickly with ten apples. The leader of the men who captured them then says, "Now you must shove them up your ass without facial expression."

The man puts the first apple up there with no problem. But on the second apple he winces and is killed.

The next man comes back with some small berries. They tell him the same thing. Suddenly, while he is putting the tenth berry up there he bursts into laughter.

The first man and the second man meet in heaven. The first man asks, "You were so close, why did you laugh?"

He replies, "I saw the last guy returning with pineapples."

Joke: A man finished baby-proofing his house and his wife says "Aw, honey. You said you didn't want to have kids."

He responds "I know. Let's see them get in now."