Joke: Most guys rip their shirts off to prove they are me. Chuck Norris does the same thing with a suit of armor.

Joke: A brunette woman challenges a blonde woman to a swimming race across the English Channel. The brunette tells her, "You have to breast stroke all the way."

The brunette finishes up the race within a few hours and waits for the blonde. She waits and waits and eventually falls asleep.

The next morning she wakes up to the blonde standing over her extremely angry yelling, "You used your arms!"

Joke: What does yeast and a redneck have in common?

Joke: Why was the man so attached to his recliner?

Joke: An ant and a centipede are hanging out and they run out of pop. The ant is going to get more but the centipede tells him, "Let me go, I'm faster with all of my legs." The ant agrees.

After waiting a couple of hours the ant calls the centipede, "What's taking so long?"

The centipede replies, "Hold on, I almost have my shoes on."

Joke: Why are people always mad when you hand them their 80th birthday card?