Joke: Have you heard about the cross-eyed teacher?

Joke: One day a wife asked her husband, "Honey, would you please mow the lawn?" Her husband responded "Who do you think I am, John Deer?"

Later the wife asked, "Would you please paint the house?" Her husband said, "Who do you think I am, Sherwin Williams?" Then he left to go fishing for the weekend.

When he got back home, he was surprised to see the lawn was mowed and the house was painted. He asked her how she got all of it done. She said, "The guy next door did it. He wanted me to either bake him a cake or give him a blow job."

So the husband asked, "What kind of cake did you bake?" She replied, "Who do you think I am, Betty Crocker?"

Joke: Why did the chemist carry solid helium everywhere he went?

Joke: How does a cow do math?

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Diploma!
Diploma who?
Diploma is here to fix the sink.

Joke: What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?