Joke: The captain of a pirate ship is under attack one day and he tells his first mate to bring him his red shirt. The mate asks him "Why did you want your red shirt?"

The captain replied "Never let your enemy see you bleed!"

The next day somebody spots 200 ships coming their way. The captain sighs and says "Bring me my brown pants!"

Joke: What's a pessimist's favorite compound?

Joke: Why did the cosine make fun of the sine?

Joke: What animal talks the most?

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Nobody
Nobody who?
...

Joke: Three woman are sitting and talking about the best soda pop based nicknames for their boyfriends. One girl says "My boyfriend is like 7-Up because he can keep it up all week."

The next girl says "Oh yeah? My boyfriend is like Mountain Dew because he can do me on top of my mountains any day."

The last woman says "You can call my boyfriend Jack Daniels."

Another girl protests "You have to compare him to a pop. That's a hard liquor."

The last girl replies with a wink "Exactly."