Joke: The first twelve months of children's lives are spent teaching them to walk and talk. The next seventeen years are spent telling them to sit down and shut up!

Joke: Son: Mom I have great news.
Mom: You got a 100 on your math test?
Son: I said I have good news, not a miracle.

Joke: A child asks her mom "Why am I named Daisy"? The mother replies "because I dropped a daisy on your head when you were born." Her next child asks her "Why am I named Rose". The mother says "cause I dropped a rose on your head when you were born". The mother's third child says "ahghhhh" and the mother says "Shut up Deuce."

Joke: What did the tree wear to the pool party?

Joke: Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop when a bus pulls up. The first blonde leans into the bus and asks "Will this bus take me to 1st Avenue?"

The bus driver tells her no. The second blonde leans in and whispers "What about me?"

Joke: A brunette tells her blonde sister "Last night I slept with a Brazilian."

The blonde sister replies "I thought I was the slut, how many is a Brazilian?"