Joke: A guy receives a text from his girlfriend, "Thespacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative?"

He replies, "What is ternative?"

Joke: A psychologist sets up an experiment and decides to conduct it on a mathematician and an engineer. The psychologist places two chairs at two ends of a hallway and puts the mathematician in one of them and a beautiful naked woman in the other. The psychologist tells him, "Every ten minutes I'll move your chair halfway to the woman and you can't leave your chair."

The mathematician replies, "That's ridiculous, I'll never reach her!" He storms out of the room.

Next the psychologist sets up the same experiment only with the engineer. When he tells the engineer that he will move him halfway every ten minutes he gets a huge smile on his face and starts flirting with the girl. The psychologist asks him, "Don't you realize you'll never actually get to her?"

He replies, "Yeah, but I'll quickly get close enough for all practical purposes."

Joke: A little boy is out in the yard with his grandpa. The boy finds a worm and tells his grandpa, "Hey grandpa! Bet ya five bucks I can get the worm back into its hole."

The grandpa, knowing it is too limp to go back in the hole agrees. The boy runs into the house and comes out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is stiff and puts it easily back into its hole and looks to his grandpa, "Pay up!"

His grandpa hands him five dollars and heads inside with the hairspray. Thirty minutes later he comes back out and he hands the boy another five dollars.

The boy replies, "Grandpa, you already gave me the money. Don't you remember?"

His grandpa replies, "Yeah I know, that's from grandma."

Joke: A blonde goes into the gynecologist. When he asks her what the problem is she replies, "Something is extremely wrong. I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina!"

He takes a look and laughs, "Dear, those aren't stamps. Those are stickers from the bananas."

Joke: An Asian woman goes to the bank to exchange some Yen for dollars. She hands the teller the same amount as she did the previous day but gets less American dollars in return. She asks the tell, "Why I get less today? Before I get a hundret and now only eighty?"

The teller tells her, "Fluctuations."

The lady replies, "Fluck you white people too!"

Joke: What do you call a cow knight?