Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man walks into the bank and walks up to the teller. She asks him "Can I help you sir?"

The man replies "Yeah, I want to open up a fucking bank account."

She tells him "Sir, we don't tolerate that sort of language here." She then gets the manager, who agrees that she should not put up with the man's language.

The manager approaches the man and asks "Sir, do we have an issue here?"

The man replies "No! I just want to put this motherfucking 100 million dollars I won in the goddamn lottery into a bank account."

"Oh," says the manager, "was this bitch giving you trouble, sir?"

Joke: This is the story of how earrings became so popular for men:

John looked over at his coworker Tom. He noticed that he had an earring on one of his ears. Tom was usually a pretty conservative guy so John is curious. He approached Tom and asked him, "If you don't mind me asking, what's with the earring?"

Tom replied, "Don't worry about it, it's just an earring."

John let it go for a few minutes but then his curiosity peaked again, "So how long have you been wearing and earring?"

Tom replied, "Ever since my wife found it in our bed."

Joke: Tom and John are hanging out. Tom asks John, "It's fuckin' freezin' in here. Can you get me my fuckin' slippers?"

John goes upstairs to get the slippers and he comes across Tom's hot 21-year-old twin sisters. He tells them, "Your brother told me to have sex with both of you."

One of the sisters replies, "Prove it!"

John yells downstairs, "Tom! Both of them?!."

Tom yells back, "Of course! What's the point of fuckin' one?!."

Joke: Trevor has a dance coming up and he wants to ask out Sally. He would do anything to go with her and he knows she doesn't have a date. The only problem is that whenever he sees her he gets an extremely large boner. Before he asks her, he practices not getting a boner but nothing works. So he decides to just call her so he doesn't risk a boner. So he calls her and stutters through the words, but she thinks it is cute so she accepts.

At this point he realizes he didn't find a solution to the problem he just put it off. But then he has a great idea! He ties his penis to his leg to conceal the boner. On the day of the dance he heads over to her house and knocks on the door. She answers the door and he kicks her in the face.

Joke: A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room waiting for the doctor. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"

The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."

The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a urine test."